I’ve been working with men sexually abused by their mothers and female caregivers for over thirty years, not a full time caseload but enough to know the issues that
In my general practice these men almost to a person have suffered more damage than any other form of abuse. The vast majority have had a bad time when they speak to friends and lovers of their experience. Imagine having to keep a central and damaging truth silent year after year, decade after decade.
Many of my guys have been morbidly obese. Others self-negligent to the degree of suicidality. They may be first responders hoping that they get in the way of a bullet or a beating.
Most find sex triggering or difficult. The scents that arise, the sound of a woman’s pleasure… Some few are very proud of their ability to satisfy a partner but draw blanks when asked about their own pleasure.
As I won’t work with men who offend–this requires a whole other set of skills and the involvement of the criminal justice system–I can’t speak to that issue. Although if a man says the abuse “made me the man I am today” unless he’s talking about broken he is at risk for offending.
Often their memories are characterized by what I call kidthink: the unique way children have of making sense of what happens to them. The wet vulva they were forced to touch a baked apple with wiry hairs
